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Feeling like I'm three stories underground, in a dark cold bunker, listening to the raging sirens of warning and the impact of shrapnel and bodies.
It's a war out there...
My heart, my mind and my actions, going at it like piranhas and prey...
And just as I think it's all over, I walk up the long never ending stairs, I open up the door just to amazed at the damage that has been done, and to watch it all happen again.
Close the door, lock the hatch, never let anyone in and prevent myself from getting hurt on the inside..
I start to feel so selfish, I should be out there regulating what goes on but, no I have to stay locked away and deep down here where nothing matters except survival..
Does that make me a bad person?
Why am I asking questions, it's not like it matter!
I'm going out there.. I'll make a stand!
Fight for what's right and make peace not only with myself but my enemies as well!!
Mind, why wont you work right?
Why must you destroy my happiness?!
I was happy, i still am, please stop..
It may be inevitable, but stop..
Fight the feelings, dont let it take you over..
You make me break my own rules!
I cant take you any more..
Your not me!!
Throw me away, tear me up and trash me.
Get rid of me, i know im too nasty.
Im a horrible choice!
Dumpster, can, sack, Just throw me out back.
I dont care, because you know im recyclable, I will just come right back.
Just sit there and back track, use me again, Do you love me?
Let me ask that!
You know you want me, but its no secret.
Dont hide from it, Im beyond your wit!
You know im tired of the SHIT.
Peace out, see you later, BR.
Muscles tense.
Thoughts speed of light.
Looking into your eyes.
Awaiting your first swing at me.
You manage to land every punch you throw at me.
The fight is one sided, i refuse to swing.
You keep hitting.
Tearing me down, burying me farther.
Whether the fight physical or not, it hurts nonetheless..
Even as i lay in the ground of the past, i still admit, i love you.
But that was the final round and you won.
Would i rather it of been physical or emotional?
Neither, i wish you we would not have fought..
The ref could have called a tie..
But no, your pride got in the way.
Now you glare at me day after day.
Never look at me in the same way..
Remember me asking you to stay?
Thats it, you hit me too many times Go The Fuck Away.
No way, that was not me!
I never touched whore.
I never had such feelings, not for someone like her..
I would never have been so stupid as to..
wait.. it was..
I did say those things..
I did do those things..
BUT i only did it because i did have those feelings..
Wow, its amazing to look back to see the things you have done.
Oh well, life is too short to have any regrets.
u t h a
c   i  p
k   t  p
The guilt, the sin, everything within.
Forget what it is to be open, and Hide from everyone.
Be nothing to everyone, and everything to no one.
Save yourself the trouble of breaking yourself, lock your own jail cell.
Remember the mistakes of the past, and ignore all the fake invitations..
All is an illusion, nothing is real anymore.
Show your self, but Hide for evermore.
Head down, feet remain at the same pace as my heart beats.
Alleyway gets darker, so do the thoughts that captivate my mind.
Ideas and unreasonable scenarios race back and forth through my tears.
I cant look back, the thought of a slight glance at my past would surely destroy me.
As if I even have the power to look up at this point.
I steadily start walking faster, and more tears disperse from the corners of my eyes.
I cant even see where im going, there is not but a small light at the end of this, what seems to be a million yard long alley..
I start to run, but within my first gallop, im forcefully hugged tight.
Being told not to run any longer..
The feeling is too familiar.. Its her, but why is she torturing me with the memories..
Maybe its not torture.. Maybe its a sign.. A sign telling me not to let go just yet.
I hug back and embrace her, and i open up to her once more.
Hoping not to go back to war.